April, 26 2011
I was getting off dance these days have been weird. I’ve been feeling very dizzy and faint, it’s unlike me. I started to get concerned so I asked my mom to schedule a doctor’s appointment for me.
I went to the doctor’s today I told her what was wrong with me, she said it wasn’t a big deal but she just wanted to take some blood and swabs to see if its not mono or anything. She said she’ll get back to me in a week. Hopefully it’s not mono I don’t want to be sick for provincials which is coming up in a couple of weeks.
When I got off dance my mom said the doctor called today, she said she wanted to do more test on my lungs. She thinks with dance my lungs have gotten worse because I don’t use my inhaler. Whoops!
June, 12 2011
The doctor called she asked for my whole family to come in today.
Later…
My thought of everything will be okay is a joke. When I was waiting in the room with my mom and dad I got a sudden feeling of sickness, I ran into the bathroom to puke. I came back into the room; my mother was crying my dad was in shock. I looked at them I looked at the doctor I was confused and scared. She looked at me with tears in her eyes. “Dana,” she said with a soft voice, “you’ve been diagnosed with lung cancer…” In utter shock I think why? WHY? “Why me!? I’ve never smoked in my life I’ve never done anything that has wrecked my lungs, I always run away when people with cigarettes that come near me... Why? I have a dream I want to have a life! I’m leaving for Boston
Knowing what I have doesn’t make me want to stop dancing. Fighting with my mom to let me go to Boston
How ironic is it that the worst life changing event can happen but then the best life changing event happens. Today the leader of Boston Ballet came up to me and asked me to come into his office. “Congratulations, you’ve made it into our year program are you interested in attending it?” in a heartbeat I answered “Yes”. I wasn’t going to let my diseases wreck my dream and I honestly couldn’t think of anything other way to live the last moments of my life.
I’ve been feeling weaker and sicker these days, but I continue to dance. These first couples of months have been the best months of my life,
It’s Christmas and luckily I was allowed to come for the break to visit family and friends I’ve missed my family a lot. But I never thought I could live my dream and I’m so happy I can, it just makes life feel important now.
I realized that I can’t put my family through this pain, so I decided to come home and spend the last three months with family and friends. I wish I could dance still but my body it weak and I have no muscles left on my body, I no longer look like a dancer. It kills me.
After being sick all night my mom took me to the hospital, I’ve gotten bed ridden. I don’t want this for my life, I want to dance I want be married I want to have kids, why at seventeen do I have end my life? Why do I have to lose my dream?
The made a wish foundation came to me today, I asked for my last wish to be able to watch Swan Lake
Seeing the show was the best time of my life. But it kills me to know that I could and was one day going to be that show dancing. Ever since I was three years old I wanted to be ballerina, have a tutu custom made just for me, get my makeup done and hair done for the show be on stage and have flowers thrown at me and the cheer applauding for my hard work. But I can’t even get out this stupid bed to feed myself, I guess wishing doesn’t work…
